Staying-In with In-law? Yey or Ney?

This is a topic that I had been contemplating for the longest time; whether to start or not to start.

I (we) am staying with my PIL since the first day of marriage. Whenever I told people about this little fact of my life, they will usually give me a surprised facial expression and proceed to ask me how do I find it?

Well, to answer this tough question is two-sided.

On the surface I may seems pretty ok with it. Telling people that I am ok with my lifestyle choice and look at the brighter side :-

1. Homecook dinner at home
2. Someone to help out the laundry, which means you get to dry your laundry on working days cos someone is home to bring it under the porch if it rains
3. Someone at home to collect your parcel
4. Someone to take care of your kid so that your kid does not need to be homeless and stay most of the time at day care
5. Fuss free with all the utilility bills, house defect or even cleanliness of the house as all is taken care by PIL
6. Showing good example to my son that we should be filial and take care of parents

I am sure those little points above do sounds pretty tempting to some of you. To be frank, these are the little things that I used to convince myself to be contented.

I am not a person who would look for an easy way out. Which means all these reasons didn’t even cross my mind when my husband told me that we are staying in with his parents. If you notice, I am saying that I am being inform/told and not a choice. Being the naïve me, I did not question or reject at the moment. Not knowing what stress is waiting for me.

It has been closed to 9 years now but I still don’t feel the feeling of home other than my room itself. I seriously tried but this is just not the way.

As I grow older and wiser, I realized that I neglected my own needs and wants way too long. I choose to be ignorant and go by the flow. Not asking myself enough of what I really want. As time goes, this little uncomfortableness that has been accumulating inside me starting to be too overwhelming. I bet the hormone plays a major part in it too.

Owning my own HOUSE and HOME is my DREAM since I was CHILD and I allow this to be taken away from me without being asked? NO SHYT

I want my own space that belong to me. I want to be the one who decide how things should be in the house, how things should be placed, what kind of design or theme and most importantly made me feels home. That I can just lie down on the couch without having to care much on my posture. That I can decide when I want to fold that pile of laundry even if it sits there for a week without feeling guilty. That I can invite friends and family over for gathering anytime I want.

When I say something and follow by tears it usually means that I am pouring out deep from my heart. A very natural uncontrollable body response that I think it prove that I am being true to myself for once.

Frankly, the past 9 years staying together with my PIL is seriously okay. All those points I listed above are valid (well, except point no.6). Is just that I felt that I should be true to myself and to chase my dream of owning my own space.

Looking back, perhaps these are some of the things that I seriously do not enjoy :-

1. I (we) had missed the honeymoon stage. The 2 person living in a cosy little house.
2. I do not have the chance to do things freely as I wish. Basically, I have to ask permission or get consent for whatever shyt I want to do in the house. Though at times I do not bother to ask and I bet they do felt unhappy with whatever changes I made to the house.
3. BIL & SIL & nephew & nieces come and go as they like. Well, it is in fact their right cos it is their parent’s house, so is kinds their house too. I was startled few times as someone turned up in the house although PIL is not around. Imagine the awkward situation when you are in your PJ and when you turn around and thought it was your husband but then it was just your BIL. Like WTF???
4. I can’t complaint when the place I cleaned is being messed up cos STFU, who ask you to do that?
5. When you stay in, naturally you will be labelled with some form of undefined unwritten expectation that only hell knows. If you are not doing that, you will be the subject during aunties talk
6. I hate being told what to do
7. I definitely do not like being asked to do something extra compared to other DIL of theirs. Every gathering will be automatically at PIL place. Whoever Birthday celebration or family gathering. Then you will be the one preparing the place, cleaning the place afterwards and cooking (sometimes)

 

Exactly what trigger me to review my own wants and feeling? Well, I guess I need to thanks to the COVID-19 mainly. MIL caught covid after returning from Europe trip. They suggested that we move out for few days for our safety which we agreed, only to realized they are not doing the proper quarantine and basically contaminating the whole house. I throw my husband out to tell them they should stay in the room instead, but still nothing changes. I don’t blame them as we are the one staying in. This is their home and they can do whatever they want. Personally, I think this is wrong and is an act of selfishness as it put us at risk. Fyi, I am pregnant at 6 mths. 1 year ago, i had a miscarriage after tested positive after PIL decided to call for CNY gathering at home. This is why I am super sensitive and vigilant.

I had just throw out my thought to my husband followed by tonnes of tears. Crying to sleep, waking up crying, crying while driving to work and consciously holding back my tears and emotion in the office.

Wish me luck in chasing my dream (which i hope my other half would share my dream too). For those out there who have the chance to decide whether to stay in or move out, there is no right or wrong. Just be true to yourself.