Why is that every time I have inspiration to write, it is always something that touched me so badly?
This time
round I want to talk about man-woman relationship from different perspective.
I have had known
someone in different time of my life that they are the 3rd party in
a relationship. Now, how do I put this in simpler word? I have very different perception
depending on how old I am and also who am I to the person involved.
In my earlier
age, I learnt that one of our most respected aunt is the 3rd. I basically
accepted the fact like how we accepted the Law of Gravity. Simply because, she
is my aunt and the only things that concern us most is our cousins feeling. We tried not to touch this topic at all because we understand the awkwardness.
Is like a little secret that we keep only within ourselves because WTH, he/she might
not know the fact yet?
In my teenage
years, I had heard many old mans (family friend father, great uncles, etc.)
abandoned their wives to start a new family with a young woman. We deeply
felt sorry for the old lady who had worked so hard for the family and is now being left alone,
betrayed by her soulmate. Why will an Old Man want to start a new family with a
much much younger woman who can even be his daughter? We thought perhaps this is the natural 'phenomena' that a Man would always want to prove that he is still strong and capable of
breeding? Or maybe just being too foolish to fall into the trap of swindles who are
eyeing on his hard-earned money? Whether there is really love or not, we can
only hope for the best for the old man.
Then in my late
20s, I have a close friend who had been 'missing' or had been really quiet on social
media. Those were the times when everyone posted every single shyt on FB.
So, when we finally got in touch with this missing friend, we realized that she’s
pregnant. We were so worried for her until she comforted us that this is the 2nd
baby. We were worried for her and the kids who are in the ‘dark’ with an unofficial
dad. But why? How? There is a story in every relationship that no one can understand
fully. But as a friend, we will want to choose to believe that the man is the
bad guy who keep a secret relationship out of his own happy family. He had keep my friend fully supported with decent place to stay, a Vellfire to drive and a
maid to argue with. Reason? There is no absolute answer for any relationship. All you need is two willing parties.
I have friends who got married while we were still out there enjoying our life (You
know, going for late night yum cha session or clubbing. Did I just disclose
my age?). Three of them got divorced (with kid) because of a new relationship.
Things turn really ugly at times like this. When all the loves turn to hatred,
when lovers become enemy. I don’t know much about the new relationship because I
am not interest. All I know is that they are married because of love and yet it
ended up sour. Maybe its not the right person. Maybe they found a better
person. Maybe, they are just too young to judge the person they were once deeply
in love with. Perhaps, Love really made us blind. Our joke was always “Damn, we
had paid for the wedding dinner”. End of the day, the real victim is the poor kid.
I have a long-distance
relative who was divorced with 4 kids because the husband betrayed her. Her husband
is not like super handsome or super rich but yet he was caught in that situation.
She then worked hard for the kids and met a new companion who are willing to take care of
her and the kids like his own. The irony thing is that now she is the 3rd
in the relationship. It is not easy to be accepted into a new family especially when you
have kids from another family. But as a cousin, I am actually feeling happy for her that she finally found someone that she can rely on even though he’s younger.
My toughest girlfriend joked that she is actually divorcing the parents rather than her husband. I was shocked to hear that she has to go through this pain. But I do believe that she had done something really wise which is not to stay in a sour relationship for the sake of the kid. The 3rd is a young professional co-worker who come out with lots of weird and scary stunts to ‘grab’ the man away. Can you imagine when you have a family gathering and there is another girl tagging along? Sounds like some dramas but this is drama in action. Again, i will choose to believe that the man is to be blame. Yes, the external influence may be strong but as a Man, can't they be wiser to tell what should or shouldn't be done? Is he even assuming his roles as a husband/father? The parents jump in to protect their son. Well, which parent will not?
As a parent myself, I tend to be over-protective to my own kid too. I want him to be safe and I guard him off from any potential harm. Our kid is always the most naïve and possess the purest heart. When my kid come running to me crying/complaining, the first thing I ask is "what happen?" but deep down in my heart .....
- I want to find out which brat bully and made my boy suffer
- He must have been blamed wrongly
- He must had been victimized because the other kids are more cunning
- He must be too scared to stand for himself when dealing with older people
- He must be influenced by other people because it is impossible for him to do such a thing.
All these denial questions/statements that I have running inside my head is what obstruct me from thinking logically.
A kid should not be deprived
from the opportunity to solve their own problem. They must learn how to protect
themselves. They should learn to judge for themselves what is right and wrong,
that for every action they decided to take, they will need to be responsible
for it. Yes, sometimes they may be the victim in a situation but if they choose
to be in there, they will have to be responsible and be ready to take the blame.
Is will be even tougher for a man especially in man-woman relationship.
Why? Because
that is how the society judge. If there is anything went wrong in a relationship,
it has to be the man fault. Very rarely is the woman? (because victimised man are too shy to share?)
Why? Because
man can’t control the temptation of a younger, prettier, weak and soft-spoken
woman. Compared to the old and coarse wife at home who had work hard for the
family, a smooth and soft hand is definitely a better offer.
But not all man is the same isn’t? Yes, some are more passive =D. If a younger, prettier, weak and soft-spoken woman show interest with them, showing some tenderness and giving some sweet talk. They are cornered and most likely fall for it. (Same reaction from the woman though but it is rather rare a young good looking man will come flirt with an old woman unless she's damn rich)
Once you fall
into the mud, you will be dirtied no matter you jump into it willingly or lured
into it.
So sorry for you guys to have to take the burden of blame....
Listening
to all the real-life experiences of others, I can only conclude that every single
relationship is complex. Is not as simple as what we hear because it may be
biased or simplified. A relationship can only be formed when there are two
parties walking on the same direction. Not the parents not the kid. No one
should stay in a relationship unless they want to. No one should force themselves
to live under the same roof with a person who had betrayed them. Not even for
the kids because the relationship belongs to them and not anyone else.
Time for
disclaimer.
I am not a Professional
Relationship Advisor or anything it is called. I am just sharing what I had
heard so far about man-woman relationship and how I feel about each and every ‘story’.
I do not particularly think who is right or wrong in a relationship either. A
relationship is between the two willing party and no one else.
I would want to remind myself that it is our responsibility as a parent to give our son the opportunity to learn and grow. Learn to judge what is right and wrong. Learn to protect himself and people around him. Learn that everything he decides to do come with consequences that he has to be responsible for. I think these are very fundamental things that everyone should master in their life which will guide them to the correct path.
It is so embarrassed to say this and perhaps Kent will be so upset if he saw this, I never believe in empty sweet talk or love for eternity (Even diamond ring can be missing and never be found or replaced). What really matter in a relationship (to me) is both persons stay true to themselves and to their other half. Embrace every moment and seize every second of happiness when they are still together.
Happy Anniversary my comrade!
